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10 BEST TIPS FOR SURVIVING A DIVORCE
1. Find a counselor, professional coach or support group.
Often local churches provide free support groups. Develop a network of
encouraging people to surround yourself with- friends, family, church members,
coworkers, etc. Listen to positive music and inspirational speakers.
2. Take time to create an individual identity. You are no
longer Mrs. ______ or ______ husband. It's important to take time and create an
individual identity. One of the best ways to do this is by taking up a new
hobby or reclaim an old one. Revisit old friends and/or take a long awaited
vacation. Women might also consider getting a new haircut as this tends to
signify a change in their life.
3. Take time for yourself to de-stress and disconnect
from the divorce process. Read a good book (no divorce plots), schedule quiet
bubble bath time, enjoy quiet time on a porch with coffee or wine, etc.
4. Exercise regularly and keep yourself healthy. I know
everyone hates this one, but focus on finding an exercise you enjoy, not just
for weight loss. Most divorce clients lose an average of 30 lbs. Remember to
eat, take vitamins and keep your regular schedule.
5. Don't sit by the phone or computer expecting constant
communication from your attorney. You'll drive yourself crazy. You hired an
attorney to handle the process of your divorce. They'll contact you when they
have something new or need information.
6. Spend time with your kids, family members and/or
friends making new memories. Keep it positive. Encourage them and don't involve
them in the dirty details of the divorce. Do something nice for someone else as
well.
7. Allow yourself to grieve. Psychologists claim the
grieving process for a divorce and the death of a loved one are similar in
pain/stress level. Give yourself some extra room and don't beat yourself up for
a few public/private crying sessions.
8. Don't beat yourself up over the failed marriage.
Instead, seek how to forgive yourself and others through books, research and
spiritual guidance.
9. Try to avoid the "Guilty by
Association." While in the process
of a divorce, it's easy to resent the people you see hanging out with your ex.
Keep in mind that they are probably in a sticky situation and would prefer not
to take sides. Even if they do, their opinion of you is obviously going to be
one-sided. They are just a byproduct of the storm, not the storm itself.
10. Disregard your ex's hype regarding the divorce. It's
common for ex's to try and intimidate you into believing you won't get
anything, you're going to spend the rest of your life alone, you'll lose the
kids, etc. etc. Most of the time, they are just blowing smoke. Run it by your
attorney and learn to not be overtaken with fear/anxiety. The courts make the
decisions, not your ex and believe it or not... ex's LIE.
